Which one of you is the guy in the relationship?<\/h2>\n

I\u2019m a woman, and I\u2019m engaged to be married to a woman. Walking down the street, people stare at us if we are holding hands. They question how we know each other. They say things to us that they would never consider saying to a straight couple. We are singled out because we are \u201cdifferent.\u201d<\/p>\n

It\u2019s weird though, because we don\u2019t feel different. We don\u2019t think of ourselves as a \u201clesbian couple.\u201d We think of ourselves as a \u201ccouple\u201d\u2014a couple who is madly in love and who doesn\u2019t want to hide that love in order to make other people feel more comfortable. People have their own idea of what a lesbian relationship looks like, and if someone doesn\u2019t fit that bill, then it\u2019s really hard for people to understand. And not understanding, apparently, opens the door for a line of questioning.<\/p>\n

These are some of the real-life questions my fianc\u00e9 and I get on a daily basis, along with my responses.<\/p>\n

A: Neither. We are both girls. That\u2019s kind of the point.<\/p>\n

You look like sisters!<\/h2>\n

Well, we\u2019re not. I\u2019m almost positive that a man and a woman who are dating (or married) don\u2019t get told they look like siblings. In fact, that\u2019s probably the last thing anyone wants to hear about the person they\u2019re sleeping with.<\/p>\n

Have you always been a lesbian?<\/h2>\n

A: I was straight until I wasn\u2019t. Have you always liked mustard? You didn\u2019t until you did, right? Sexuality isn\u2019t always one way or the other.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve never been to a gay wedding, can I come?<\/h2>\n

A: There will be cake, dancing and that one relative who gets too drunk. It\u2019s pretty similar to a non-gay wedding. Actually, it\u2019s exactly the same. So, let\u2019s just call it \u201cwedding\u201d and leave out the \u201cgay.\u201d And sure, you can come if you\u2019re invited.<\/p>\n

Why do some lesbians dress like boys?<\/h2>\n

A: What people wear is a form of expression. It\u2019s no different from straight women wearing dresses.<\/p>\n

Wait, so how does doing the deed work?<\/h2>\n

A: That\u2019s a weird question to ask someone. Use your imagination or Google it.<\/p>\n

(From an ex boyfriend) Oh, so THAT\u2019S why we didn\u2019t work out?<\/h2>\n

Wrong. We didn\u2019t work out because we weren\u2019t right for each other. Me being with a woman in no way validates you cheating on me or us not working out.<\/p>\n

(From an ex boyfriend) Can I join?<\/h2>\n

A: Can you join what? Our deeply emotional, fully satisfying-on-all-levels relationship? Or our bedroom? No and no.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve always wanted to be a lesbian but…<\/h2>\n

I just can\u2019t give up *** with men, you know?<\/p>\n

A: Ok. Good talk.<\/p>\n

Have you ever had real sex?<\/h2>\n

A: Sorry, explain to me what your definition of \u201creal sex\u201d is.<\/p>\n

Did you choose to be a lesbian?<\/h2>\n

A: Did you choose to be a straight? I chose to be with the person I\u2019m with. We all choose our partners.<\/p>\n

Are you sure you won\u2019t want to be with a man again?<\/h2>\n

A: If you are in a committed relationship, hopefully the only person you imagine yourself being with is that person. You wouldn\u2019t ask a married straight woman whether she would ever want to be with another man again, would you?<\/p>\n

Will you use a sperm donor or someone you know to get pregnant?<\/h2>\n

A: We will discuss that and keep you posted.<\/p>\n

Are you attracted to your friends who are girls?<\/h2>\n

A: No. Even if I wasn\u2019t in a committed relationship, my friends are like my family. And I am not attracted to my family.<\/p>\n

You\u2019re a lesbian? What a waste.<\/h2>\n

A: Excuse me, sir. Are you implying that my worth is based on whether or not you have a chance of sleeping with me?<\/p>\n