People tend to think about relationships a lot. I’m no exception. What I want to talk about today is the transactional model of relationships.
A Transactional Relationship (TR) is a relationship where both (or all) parties are in it for themselves, and where partners do things for each other with the expectation of reciprocation.
Transactional Relationship can also be called “pay for sex”, though the currency does not have to be necessarily in cold, hard cash.
Almost all relationships start here.
People tend to date a person because of what they get out of it. Doing otherwise would actually be kind of weird. Genuine concern for a partner’s well-being (some might call it “love”) is something that generally grows as the relationship progresses.
But some relationships never get past the transactional stage.
I suspect that many, if not the majority, of relationships never do. I’ve fallen victim to this myself. There are times when I’ve bought something for Gina (made up name), or done the dishes, or done her some other sort of favour, and expected something in return.
But there’s a deeper foundation that some relationships reach, where people do things for each other just to make the other person happy for altruistic reasons. I truly believe that some relationships transcend selfishness, and reach a place where both partners are happy in large part because the other partner is happy. But few.
Some poly relationships work on the transactional model. You see this is relationships which involve a lot of rules (or ridiculous relationship agreements). The idea is that “I let my partner see other people, and in return, I’m allowed to see other people as well.”
Transactional relationships can take many forms, from the pay up front for sexual services, to let’s get together (live together) and you pay for my roof, food and whatever. Sounds like marriage? the most widely accepted and entered into relationship without the “negotiation” in a relationship context.
Negotiation is what makes a Transactional Relationship work.
If you negotiated a bad deal, your relationship will probably, most likely be a bad one. For you, that is, since the other party may have been better in their negotiation. Setting up the rules up front avoids disappointments.